


dean's first love

by y0urfr13ndlygallawhore



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Childhood Trauma, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:54:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y0urfr13ndlygallawhore/pseuds/y0urfr13ndlygallawhore
Summary: After Dean experiences a panic attack when a man says something homophobic to him that makes him remember his past,  Cas and Sam find out what happened to Dean's first love.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	dean's first love

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Homophobic Language/Slurs, Major Homophobia exhibited by John

"What happened Dean?" Cas asked wondering why Dean had such an alarmingly strong reaction to homophobia. Homophobia hits anyone especially when they are actually part of the LGBTQ+ community but Cas had never seen Dean react like that to anything. No monster was able to wiggle their way into his head that much, hell not even a demon or angel had been able to do that. The person who did this was human no if and's or buts about Dean had survived and been belittled so much and both Sam and Cas were wondering what had happened. 

"It just reminded me of Dad." Dean says still trying to focus on his breathing as old repressed trauma had built their way to the surface. Sam looks surprised to say the least. 

"Dad knew?" Sam asked. "How?" Dean took a gulp and tried to steady himself because he really did not think he would be able to heal if he didn't get this out. He felt Cas take his hand and stoke the back with his thumb.

"You don't have to do this if you are not ready Dean. The last thing that we want is for you to feel pressured to tell us about this time in your life." Cas reassures Dean because no matter how bad Cas wants to know he will never pressure Dean into doing something that might hurt him. 

"No Cas I need to do this if I am ever going to get over it. Sam remember maybe 13 years ago that case we were working and we met up with Cassie and I told you that she was my first love." Sam nodded just now realizing the irony of Cas and Cassie. "She wasn't. My first love was when I was 17 and we were at Drillridge High. His name was Shawn. He was in my history class and we hit it off. At first I thought of him as a best friend but the longer we stayed the more and more I fell for him. You should have seen him I was struggling to keep up with him in cars and classic rock. It felt perfect. One night, I think you were at one of your friends house for a sleepover I brought him to out motel."

-23 years ago-

"Welcome to my humble abode." Dean says after he finally managed to open the door. Shawn took a look around and gave Dean a small smile. 

"So you weren't lying when you said that you lived in a motel." Shawn laughs. 

"Oh yeah because that's such a funny joke. Come on you may not have known me forever but I'm insulted if you think that's my sense of humor." Dean pretended to act hurt by the statement as he wrapped his arms around Shawn's shoulders. Dean pressed a small kiss into Shawn's lips and pulled him closer. Shawn wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and pushed his tongue into Dean's mouth. No matter how many times they do this it would never feel real. Everything about him was perfect from his voice to his hair and the way he just knew everything. He was like a mixture of both Sam and Dean with the book smarts that he can be legally classified as an encyclopedia and car and rock knowledge he knew was downright impressive. Dean was smitten the first time Shawn had his own opinions on AC/DC's best song.

All the girls that he had dated before either faked their knowledge of certain things which became obvious the longer he tried to hold a conversation with them. Or they dumbed themselves down to the point that Dean was losing brain cells trying to talk to them. So he never really made any emotional connections with them. Bright side this made leaving them in a couple weeks really easy. Dean's turning 18 in a week and he will be free to do whatever he wants. He can stay with Shawn even after his dad leaves to go on another hunt. He can have a normal life soon with him. 

"My parents aren't home." Dean laughs into the kiss. 

"Then we better take advantage it hot stuff." Shawn dipped his hands to under Dean's thighs and lifted him off the floor as Dean instinctively wrapped his legs around his waist. Oh yeah did Dean mention that Shawn was insanely strong this dude must have spent every waking moment at the gym for the last 18 years. 

Dean moaned into Shawn's mouth as he was placed carefully on the bed with Shawn's entire body weight above him. Not in a suffocating what but in that perfect way where there is a teeny bit of pressure so you know this is really happening. Dean reached his hands under Shawn's shirt to lift it over his head then did the same with his own. Now their skin was touching and it felt perfect. There was heat and desire rolling off their bodies. Shawn was the one who reached down and started undoing their belts. Dean first then him. They were both in their underwear completely overcome with lust. 

They had done things with each other in Shawn's house. His parent's didn't care about his sexuality and embraced it and lucky for them, his parents were rich and had to go out to charity dinners every so often leaving them alone in the house for a couple hours. They had never gone farther that a blowjob though. They were going slowly... well slower that Dean was used to. He was used to meeting some girl then fucking her into her queen sized bed or on her couch if they were getting particularly hot and heavy during a movie. That was usually like one or two days into the relationship. Shawn and Dean have been together for over a month now and had done nothing in the ways of penetrative sex.

It went how it always did. Shawn moved away from Dean's mouth and traveled down his neck and suck a dark purple bruise onto the side of his neck. He moved further until he reached Dean's nipple taking that into his mouth as well as Dean let out a little moan arching his body into Shawn's mouth. 

He pulled his mouth off moved further down sit. Dean was hard as a rock and had been the entire ride over here and he was getting tired of waiting. Shawn pulled his underwear off and through it next to the bed before immediately sucking it Dean into his mouth. Dean gasped and carded his hands through Shawn's short brown hair.

"Fu-Fuck." Dean breathed out and Shawn hollowed out his cheeks and sucked him deeper until Dean could feel the tip of his dick on the back of his throat. 

"I'm - Fuck- I'm close." Dead groaned out not knowing how much longer he could last. All of a sudden he felt his dick hit cold air. He looked up and whimpered wondering why Shawn had stopped. 

"Dean I want to try something but you have to let me know that you are completely okay with it." Shawn says seriously as massages Deans thigh. 

"What?" Dean says looking him in the eye.

"It won't be my dick but I want to be inside you. I want to be inside you so bad." Shawn moans that last part out and he didn't think it was possible but he got even harder at the sound. 

"Fuck yes please. Wait I don't have any lube though." Dean says cursing himself. HE was at the store earlier today and toyed with the idea of getting it but ultimately decided not to in case they didn't use it. He didn't want to have to try and explain why he had a bottle of lube to his father and brother when they all used the same room.

Shawn stands up and walks over to his pants giving Dean little wink and he reaches into his front pocket and pull out the small bottle. 

"Oh so that's what that was. Here I thought you were happy to see me." Dean chuckles and Shawn rolls his eyes.

"I'm a little offended this isn't that big." He comes back over and gets over Dean on the bed. He opens the cap and pours a generous amount onto his fingers in hopes that this wouldn't hurt him. "If at any point you want me to stop tell me." Shawn says looking into Dean's eyes.

His breath hitches at the feeling of Shawn's hand right by his rim. It's a lot colder than he expected. He feels it push it and he lets out a small whine at the sudden intrusion he's a virgin down there and so there is resistance to the finger. It hurts a little but not much and Dean has definitely felt worse. Shortly after Shawn enters another finger and then goes back to working on Dean's dick with his mouth.

"THERE do that again please." Dean basically screams when Shawn hits his prostate. Shawn lets out a little laugh and does it again. Dean arches his back of the bed so far he really thinks he's gonna break.

"Your so good for me Dean. So tight. So warm. So perfect." Shawn praised before dipping to tease the head of Dean's cock again. Dean is a moaning mess with the fingers expertly opening him and hitting his prostate to the feeling of Shawn's warm tongue on his dick. He feels the vibrations of his moan around his cock which is only serving to turn him on more. He looks down at Shawn and see that at some point he had ditched his boxers and was now stroking himself in time with his thrusts into Dean's ass. All of it was so much so Dean grabbed the top of Shawn's head again thrusting himself into his mouth so he could finish quicker. 

"God.Fuck I'm gonna come." Dean shouts as his prostate is slowly messaged he feels himself coming down Shawn's throat as one of the most intense orgasms he has ever had rips through his body. He looks back at Shawn who is frantically searching for his own release and moves down to him. Flipping on his back he take Shawn's cock in his hand. Moving it quickly up and down the shaft and not long after hot cum is shooting onto his chest.

They lie next to each other. Basking in the afterglow. "Next time you are actually fucking me." Dean says because after that he can only imagine how good it would feel to have his dick. 

"How about it will be your birthday present. Finally an adult so you can take my dick." Shawn says giggling as Dean shoves him. Dean allows himself to think about it though being with Shawn after he becomes an adult. He will be able to be by himself. Able to leave his dad's clutches and able to do what he wants. He can finish this year with grades good enough they will probably allow him to graduate and then they can think about the rest of their life as they go on. For the first time in a long time Dean feels like he has a future that won't end up with him being dead at 30. 

"Hate to break up this moment but personally I find the feeling on drying cum on myself to be a little uncomfortable. Wanna get cleaned up?" Dean asks with a wink. Before racing Shawn to the bathroom where they partake in more blowjobs as well as a through make out sessions before they decide to leave. They put on their clothes and climb into bed. Sam doesn't need to be picked up because his friends mom is taking them tomorrow and who knows where John is but he is probably going to spend all night passed out at a bar.

All of a sudden the door slams closed. They both wake up with a start and end up bumping heads after they realize that they were not in optimal shooting up position. Dean looked at the clock and wondered if they had overslept or maybe Sammy was home from his sleepover and he felt Shawn's arm around him trying to pull him back to sleep and just ignore whatever what there. Dean knew better. 

"The fuck is this shit." They heard a low voice grumble and all the tiredness escaped from Dean as he realized who was home. John looked tired but disgusted and he became more aware of what it was John was seeing. "You a fucking queer now." John said as he walked over to the bed. He sounded positively livid.

"Dad this is my boyfriend Shawn." Dean tried hoping that maybe if John thought this was more than just a meaningless hook-up he would be okay. Nope. John looked even more furious. 

"I leave for a month and you go off and fuck some guy like a fucking fag." John spits out and Dean jumps back. He had never experienced homophobia first hand. He had watched plenty of TV shows where that was a big character stand point and he had heard some passive aggressive shit while they were hunting but it was never like this to his face. He attempts to get up and maybe lead John to a chair so hopefully he will pass out and they can put this night behind them. 

As soon as Dean is out of the bed and reaching for his father he feels a strong hand punch him and immediately he is on the floor with pain shooting from the side of his face. His father is looking down at him with the most hard to read look as he spits in his face. "Don't fucking touch me. Don't try to spread your disease to me." 

He feels John kick his stomach repeatedly before picking him up from the front of his shirt. "Is this some sort of revenge for me not being here. You think that I turn my back for a second and you can get back at me by fucking dudes. I AM TRYING TO FIND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MOTHER. I am trying to make everything better for the world and then you go and do this. What do you think your mother would say if she were still here. Maybe she would want to be dead because her son is a fucking homo." John spits out and Dean is dizzy, his head is pounding against his skull. 

He sees Shawn jump into action sliding across the bed and leaning next to Dean in hopes to make him feel better or to just get him away from his father. John's eyes flash with anger. "You. How dare you turn my son into this abomination." He takes a swing at Shawn and sends him flying back onto the bed. 

"Shawn!" Dean calls weakly. He feels tears running down his face and he wants desperately to help him but he can't get up everything hurts. He hears the punches hitting his boyfriends face he hears the grunts of pain as John mercilessly hits Shawn until his breathing is raggedy. 

Dean fought every pain reactor in his body as he trys to stand up and pry his father off. "Dad get off him please get off him." Dean is crying freely now because he feels powerless he has never felt like this before. Every single monster before now he has been able to fight off they have never had the upper hand, they have never over powered him like this and he doesn't know what to do. John shoves him off and he hits the floor the wind getting knocked out of him. 

All of a sudden the punches begin to stop and John gets up off the bed. Dean can't look at Shawn it's too painful. He doesn't want to think about the very plausible reason that John had just stopped. He can't be dead but he can't check. 

"Put this on and get in the fucking car." Dean knows better than to disobey his father right now. "Where is your brother?" John spits out and Dean trys to answer but everything is hurting him,his throat is on fire, and his back is killing him. "ANSWER ME!" Dean croaks out an the address and John makes a small under the breath comment that at least Dean had the common sense of keeping Sam away from his sickness. 

-Back to now-

Cas and Sam stare at Dean in horror as he has been crying over this story trying to tell it for the last 2 hours. They didn't know when but at some point in the story they began to cry with Dean. 

Sam remembers that night with perfect detail he remembers the state that Dean was in when he entered the car and the anger rolling off of John so he knew better than to ask what had happened. He knew something was wrong when he forced Dean to sit in the back seat and had allowed Sam to sit up front. Dean had been crying and he heard chocked sobs throughout the entire car ride but Sam didn't know why.

"I s-saw in the newspaper 2 w-weeks later." Dean trys to say. "He didn't make it." Cas grabs onto Dean trying so hard to keep him together. "Dad killed him. I watched him as he died. I was there I could have stopped him." 

Cas pulled him as close as he could. Dean grabbed onto the lapels of Cas's coat and began sobbing into his shoulder. He wants erase all of Dean's pain and keep him sheltered forever so that he never has to experience pain again. Cas has always admired Dean. His life was comprised of repressed traumas that he kept hidden solely to make sure that he could help other people. Everything he does makes Cas have to stand back in awe. Dean never deserves any of the things that he goes through. He only deserves the good that the world has to offer.

It took two hours before they could get Dean to move or even calm down a little bit. Sam and Cas helped him get to Dean and Cas's room. Sam gave Dean a brief touch on his back before leaving them be. Dean needed rest and didn't need people clobbering him. 

Cas laid them down on their bed and zapped them into bedroom clothes so they would be more comfortable. Dean had still not let go of Cas and he didn't mind anything that Dean needed he would give him right now. He had never been given the time to grieve over Shawn and Cas knew he needed that. 

Dean gave another grab at Cas's shirt and gave his last little sniffle. "Dean are you okay. Well not okay but... I guess just how are you feeling?" Cas asked trying to make sure that he didn't send Dean into another mental breakdown. 

"I don't think I will ever really be over it and completely fine it hurts. I just needed to get that out." Dean croaks out. 

"Dean I want you to know that none of this was your fault. You could not have done anything more. It is your fathers fault. You only deserve the good things in life Dean and I don't want you ever beat yourself up about this." Cas looked down at Dean. He pressed a small kiss into Dean's lips. wanting to make sure that every single word that he was saying was absorbed into Dean's body. 

"I love you so much Dean. I don't want you to ever forget that. Your father can not hurt you anymore. You are safe. I will always keep you safe."

"I love you too Cas." They fall asleep wrapped in each others arms. Knowing that they will always be safe with each other and will make sure that nothing bad ever happens.

**Author's Note:**

> I am on a major John Winchester hate thing right now so this is a vomit about my absolute hate for him. I hope you enjoyed this Kudos and Comments are always welcomed


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